Arguments between couples are inevitable. They happen because two people disagree over finances, children, housework, sex life, and more. During an argument with your spouse, you might say or do something that makes them angry, but you should never cross the line. So, let’s discuss the tips for managing your anger during an argument.

argument with your spouse

Be Calm

The first thing you need to do is calm down before arguing with your partner. If you’re already upset, it will be hard to control your temper when they start talking back. You can’t argue if you’re too emotional. Instead of getting into a heated argument, try to talk things out calmly.

Think Before Speaking

In the heat of the moment, we often say things we later regret. But there are ways to avoid blurting out something that could come back to haunt us. Here are some tips to help keep your cool during an argument with your spouse:

  1. Don’t make assumptions about your partner’s motives. What might seem like a harmless comment to one person could be hurtful to another. Before speaking up, consider what impact your words might have on those around you.
  2. Ask yourself whether what you’re about to say is true. If it isn’t, don’t say it. Even if you think you know your partner well, they might surprise you with how they feel.
  3. Allow your partner to respond without interrupting. When you talk over them, you risk making them feel unheard. Let them finish speaking before responding.
  4. Be careful about sharing information. You never want to embarrass your partner or put them in a compromising position. Keep in mind that even innocent comments can be misinterpreted.
  5. Listen carefully. Try to understand why your partner feels the way they do. This gives you insight into how best to approach future encounters.

Express Yourself Nicely

During an argument with your spouse, expressing yourself nicely is crucial. It can be hard to keep things together when feeling anxious, angry, frustrated, or scared. You might feel like screaming, crying, punching walls, or doing something destructive; this is normal.

But once you can think again, constructively expressing yourself is essential.

Expressing your feelings and needs in an assertive but respectful manner will help you cope better. When you clearly state your concerns and conditions, you give your partner information about what you want and how you feel. Then, they can take action based on this information.

If your emotions get out of hand, try taking deep breaths or counting slowly to ten. If you still feel agitated, do one of the following:

  1. Ask someone close to you to listen and support you.
  2. Take a walk outside.
  3. Find a quiet place where you can sit down and write down your thoughts.
  4. Call a friend, family member, or counselor.

Take Some Break

Another practical step to take during an argument with your spouse is to give yourself a break. Breaks are great for dealing with stress, but people often forget about them.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a break. You don’t have to go anywhere; close your eyes and take a moment to breathe deeply. This simple act can significantly affect how you react to whatever’s coming next.

When you’re ready, continue discussing the issue at hand. Don’t forget to apologize for any mistakes you made.

Apologize When You’re Wrong

It’s essential to sit and re-think the root cause of the argument. Ask yourself if you were at fault for responding the way you did or something. Then, apologize respectfully.

Apologies can go a long way; they show your partner that you care enough to admit your mistake. They also let them know that you’re willing to change.

Moreover, apologies show your partner that you respect their feelings and opinions. Plus, it demonstrates that you value their time and effort.

Try not to make excuses; say you’re sorry and explain why you acted the way you did.

Remember, apologizing doesn’t mean you agree with your partner’s point of view. Acknowledge that you were wrong and ask for forgiveness.

Resolve Conflict Quickly

The next vital step during an argument with your spouse is to try to resolve the conflict immediately. Once you’ve apologized for your part in the situation, discuss the problem calmly and rationally.

This helps prevent further arguments from happening. Also, it shows your partner that you’re open to changing your mind.

If you repeatedly argue over the same thing, consider talking to a professional. Counselors can help you learn new ways to handle disagreements.

Hold No Single Grudge

During an argument with your spouse, you may feel tempted to hold a grudge against them. But holding onto anger won’t solve anything. Instead, focus on moving forward.

You can’t control what happened in the past, so don’t dwell on it. Instead, look toward the future.

Think about the good times you had together and the positive changes you’ll make as a couple.

Joke Around With Your Partner

Humor releases tension between people, so why not lighten up the mood? Joking around with your spouse can be fun and relaxing. It can also help you both relax.

If you want to use humor to defuse a situation, try one of these techniques:

  1. Ask questions. If you notice yourself becoming annoyed or irritated, ask open-ended questions like “What do you think?” or “Why do you say that?” These allow people to explain themselves while letting you know that you disagree with them.
  2. Make jokes. Jokes are easy to make and can be used to lighten conversations that might otherwise turn serious. For example, if you overhear someone complaining about his boss, tell them a joke about the boss. You could even make up a few of your own.
  3. Tell stories. Stories are another effective tool for defusing tensions. They let people express emotions without worrying about offending others since everyone knows the story. So, if you are frustrated with your partner, tell them a personal anecdote about a similar experience.
  4. Try role-playing. Role-playing allows you to pretend that you’re the person being teased or criticized. By taking on the other person’s perspective, you’ll see things differently and realize that they don’t mean to cause trouble.
  5. Play along. Sometimes, just pretending that you’re joking can help ease tension. If you feel uncomfortable, act as if you’re kidding around. Pretend that you’re rolling your eyes or cracking a smile. Then, change your tone and start laughing.


Arguments are inevitable between two people. The best thing to do is learn to manage your anger during an argument with your spouse. We hope you’ve learned some tips right here and are looking forward to using them.


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